funalogue

no one really listens. people would go blah, blah, blah and their mind wanders off somewhere else. you can always tell because they're tongue usually sticks out and blink their eyes constantly. everyone wants to talk, wants to be a teacher an inspirer. so self absorbed because when it's your turn to talk it's usually "i've had that happen to me" or "i know what you're saying" or "what i would do" or "where have you been, been there done that" or my least favorite, "don't get me wrong, but it's time for lunch." no time to listen. like to sit in silence. and i think that's the most important thing and right now,i am just rambling. too much rambling i'm not even listening. maybe i talk too much. or maybe i'm just talking to the wrong people who has wax build up in their ears. mouth moving.......................mind wandering and damn i'm hungry!

up all night

i've been blocked by this distraction that doesn't want to focus on what's right. call me something i can't spell. anything, i'm ready. i'll interpret it in something beautiful. it's my tweek of life. i can take the insults. i can't take your comments because like i said before, beauty is in what i make of it. it's a layer beneathe judgement. deep in to the core that makes me cry. i've tried to reason with your mistakes but i still want my answers. through this spiritual guidance, i step aside which is mine, which i can agree on, whom i can judge and accept. where i am, who i could, what i should...it's natural. it's me. it's regrets. i can't deny it. how can i? struggle is company.

i like grapes

stupid cupid! running around like she got something against me. what's up with that anyway? it's just a matter of time until she gets hit with her own arrow between her eyes. people call it the "hallmark" holiday. that's a given. you know how many "i love you" has been said today. couples prancing around like there in disneyland! heck couples don't even prance around in disneyland. they eat they're funnel cakes and ride the tea cup, goodness how exciting! it bugs the crap out of me that some idiot named this "the day of love." it makes lonely shmucks like me harvest on a 12 pack and bitch about it! "hey honey since a mass group of people thinks they're in love, i think i am too, here are dozen roses from the florists and chocolates." so get fat, put the 12.95 flowers on the vase, cuz it'll die in a couple of days and lets get busy!!! stupid cupid, i hate you!! oh how about these crazy couples that make out in public, goodness... you know they just had dinner made with some garlic sauce and let's just share our bad breath together cuz baby we are in love!! you know if you're in love show your gratitude really and make it another day to prove it!! just because it's on the freaking calendar doesn't mean that's the only time to think about it!

loner

not the same feeling. these kisses from home. waking up sunday morning, the alarm buzzing every 10 minutes, snooze, buzz, snooze, buzz, snooze, buzz. just weighing myself next to her soft body. my eyes looking around hoping that i don't have to think about it later on the day. It's just a phase, like everything else dealt. i understand where i'm coming from and that's all that matters. it's age, that's the difference between she and i, just had a different day today. plenty more kisses, and i'm glad they don't matter.

float

i miss the ocean, it's grace, it's tides, it's calling for me to swim. i miss the crazy sea gulls that fly and prey on romantic picnic moments. i miss the wind that blows distant echoes of meaningful chatters as you stretch your body high and proud. i miss digging my toes in the sand because my callous over powers the beauty of my feet. i miss the emptininess of the night and you fill in the void in the sky, flying saucers that someday will abduct our passion and desire. i miss the strangers that walk by surfing for treasures, could be seaweed, but it's pretty. i'm hoping not to see the ocean again. not now, not til i'm ready, not til i can float with you.

What do you have for me? Cuz I'm bored, you screwed up your position to make me smile today. i respect that cuz that's not your job and i don't think it's anyone's responsibility. It's not mine. So let's be cordial, the two of us, somehow will communicate and everything will be just fine. Just don't talk to me like I'm a little girl cuz my age doesn't match my face and my gender doesn't have to prove that! So look around, I'm not the only one doing work around here.

nicefella

So I start again. Making changes as I go. Bulldoze the past and think of memories like a phase. A body. Bury it in the desert next to Jimmy Hoffa. He made mistakes, might as well have it next to him so he'll have company. Now I start of with the better. My own little mindful mafia. Keeping it under the mattress, these mindful thoughts, so I can sleep comfortably. And when I wake up to leave for anything, I'll have my witty ammunition because really, I'm the only one who has my back.