maybe now i can understand what "connections" really are. i guess it's really up to me and sometimes when you think you have that connection you unplug the last one you had. and you might not know that you actually need the last one to extend to the next one. you know it's like christmas lights, when one little bulb goes out the rest are all affected. ok bad analogy, but lights are important on a christmas tree. i have to think that everyhting is temporary and you have to sacrifice and reason whatever situation might be to not dig a deeper hole for myself. put all that dirt back in, bury it and shake the filty thoughts of my hands and walk away. oh man it's hard being the bigger person, i guess it's ok to be alone.